We all suffer from unspoken thoughts, reasons vary. You cannot share anything because most people you met are shallow talkers, because some people are introvert, or may be because we all are different type of human being who nurtured in a different way. Humans are pretty much a sad species. They do many things to please the society, they are scared to speak up because they are afraid to be judged. People seem to think that happiness is waiting for us and forget that we create the happiness. Other than human relations, our mind and heart are the two most complex relation in life who controls our imagination, our fears, and our happiness. In solitude we have the freedom through rumination to find all that has been causing our suffering and try to destroy it. Finding happiness in solitude is most sacred thing to do. Solitude makes you understand yourself.
Individualism is a gift to mankind.
I am certainly convinced, the major cause of divorced is not money, love or sex, it is the missing piece of individualism, an oxygen to life. You cannot force your partner to do the exact way you wish it has to be done. It is a sinful act. Instead of practicing happiness in life, you are actually paralyzing and suffocating your partner. Not all human being are raised the same way like you have. Give them ‘space’. Do not simply jump on because you want to joke around. Solitude presents the opportunity to learn how to adapt and relate to each present moment, in order to produce complete acceptance and complete happiness.
It’s okay not to talk with each other sometimes because you want some ‘me time.’ It’s okay to go on vacation with your friends or solo. It’s okay to read a book before bed time and not to have sex. It’s okay to discuss about others life, because we learn from them. But it is not okay to cheat!! It’s not okay to be in a relationship and seeking pleasure outside. It’s not okay to suffer for the sake of happiness of your loved ones. Do not mistake your freedom with its okay to cross the boundaries.
I know someone close who have completely isolated himself from the world who once he claimed to be own after his marriage. His wife dislikes when he spoke with anyone even his own mother, except the ones who his wife approved. I pity him. The reason: She is scared to lose him. She have trust issues. She is obsessed. And the husband, he is numb mentally and living his life because he is healthy and breathing.
The best and the worst thing about being married is, you both are stuck with each other forever. But the good thing is – companionship. Sharing happiness, traveling, and solving problems together until you or your partner become the problem. If the relationship doesn’t give you a “settle feeling”, back out before you drown yourself in a saltwater.
You are freedom, not limitations.
Embrace your flaws and accept who you are with all the ‘imperfections.’ Although the world has changed hugely over the centuries, the basic need of human happiness still remain the same and will never change. I urge you to understand the simple way to create a happy married life, live the way you want but not to forget you are a part of someone else life too. If your partner asking you to change your lifestyle, your food habits, your way of seeing the world, think twice before you agree on it. Ask yourself, is your lifestyle harming you or your surroundings? Is your food habit crap? Are you seeing the world in an illogical way? If not, you know the answer.
Learn to detach yourself from other people’s drama. Learn to not participate in social media gossips or rumor. They are toxic and if you don’t control yourself, soon you will turn like them. The zombie’s. Find people who spread positivity like sprinkles on cupcakes. Practice meditation.
The third chance.
Everyone is living their own version of truth. And every truth is true for that being given their current state of evolution. Only in solitude we can get rid ourselves from the judgment of others in order to find our true selves and overcome all the feelings that cause our suffering. Unhappiness, in essence, is the result of how poorly you’re relating to the present moment and its circumstances. So think for a moment. Think about all things happening in your life and prepare a notepad, separate things which makes you happy, things which makes you sad and empty. Write about your partner strengths and weaknesses. Sit together and discuss over a cup of tea or coffee or beer. Give each other “third chance” not just “second chance” before you decide to divorce each other. Though divorce it just a legal way to stay away from each other like marriage is the legal way to stay together (and have kids – applied in India and many other countries too).
There is a magic in calmness, practice it. Don’t just learn from your parents, they are together even though they are not happy (condition applied – not all parents belong in the same category). Learn to be happy in real not just to please the families or friends or society. Remember one thing, “love doesn’t ask for any sacrifices, ego does.” Do not take a decision of divorce because your partner hurts your ego, divorce when you’re mental or physical body hurts. Divorce, when you cannot take it anymore.
…to be continued.